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The Hottest Singles Membership in D.C. Is Republican Sen. Chuck Grassley’s Workplace

Iowa Sen. Chuck Grassley isn’t precisely identified for his coherent social media posts, however on Monday, he authored one of many strangest tweets of his profession. In it, he introduced that his chief of workers—a longtime aide named Jennifer Heins—tied the knot together with her husband, Nick Davis, in stunning (?) Cedar Rapids over the weekend. That’s all he wanted to say, however Grassley—eternally the oversharer—punctuated the publish with an odd revelation: “They’re the twentieth couple to marry after mtg in my workplace.”

Twenty {couples}! Man, oh man. The most popular Tinder spot in D.C. is seemingly the Senate Funds Committee. It’s candy that Grassley fashions himself one thing of a legislative Cupid, flitting across the halls, concocting romances between his staffers, however I really can’t consider a much less erotic place than the enclave of a senator from Iowa. Think about enjoying footsies underneath the desk throughout a three-hour argument about soybean subsidization—after which being like, “Is that ardour I really feel?” However hey—a file of 20 marriages speaks for itself.

Is it mildly creepy that Grassley has an actual tabulation of the variety of younger individuals he’s introduced collectively in holy matrimony? Does this at the least open the chance that the longest-serving senator within the nation is running a sex cult in his identify? Certain, however Grassley has additionally been working round politics, in some kind or vogue, since 1959. From that perspective, I’d count on the marital quantity to be nearer to 50, possibly even 100. On that word, does Grassley additionally know what number of of his staffers have spiraled into life-destroying extramarital affairs? Does he have a agency depend on divorces as nicely? Does he maintain a file on everybody who might ever cross him? All of this appears like prime terrain for a romance novel.

I’ve at all times understood the work of politics to be immensely dry and delinquent. That you must be an huge nerd to dedicate your life to the bureaucratic sausage-making features of legislative administration, so in that sense, no one needs to be shocked that the individuals who select such a path are discovering love in a crucible for the terminally lame. However at the least Grassley appears to be taking a passive strategy to the non-public lives of his aides—throughout the aisle, now we have Chuck Schumer, who claimed, in a 2012 New York Occasions story, to have overseen the weddings of 10 of his staffers. Reportedly, he takes a reasonably concerned strategy along with his matrimonial instincts, usually enjoying matchmaker round his workplace. Right here’s a direct quote from the person himself:

Our workers is a household. I need them to be pleased. I get anxious that they’ll be lonely. So I encourage them. If I feel it’s a superb match, I attempt to gently—as gently as I can—nudge it.

Bro, what? That, my buddies, is a narrative that would have been written solely in 2012. You aren’t going to see any sitting senator, within the publish–#MeToo period, wax poetic about how they encourage their office to turn into as incestuous as potential. Additionally, that is inappropriate, however I’m fairly certain Schumer (or Grassley) doesn’t know my sort or what a “good match” is. Grassley, particularly, is likely one of the final individuals in American politics I’d belief to set me up on a blind date as a result of I’m fairly certain that man thinks a wild night out is a visit to your native Dairy Queen. (For what it’s value, I feel the highest three matchmakers in D.C. are Amy Klobuchar, John Fetterman, and—you realize what? Joe Biden. You realize, individuals with gumption.)

So, congratulations, as soon as once more, to Nick Davis and Jennifer Heins. We hope Grassley didn’t hog the mic too lengthy in the course of the speeches. The senator is now 90 years outdated, serving a time period that doesn’t finish till 2029. Can he get to fortunate No. 21? If there’s one factor we’ve realized, it’s which you could by no means depend out the Chucks.