Slate publishes a number of recommendation every week, so we’re pulling collectively a choice of our favorites. Listed below are just a few of probably the most compelling questions from the week and hyperlinks to hours of recommendation studying. This week: buddy selections, stay-at-home dads, and sharing meals.
Not Courageous, Not Egocentric: I’ve been pals with Julie for nearly 20 years. I’ve at all times admired her self-conviction, confidence, and skill to know/go after what she needs with out being burdened by the ideas or opinions of others. She has a robust self of sense that I’ve at all times wished I might determine. Julie has at all times been clear she doesn’t need youngsters and, till six years in the past, steered away from courting males with youngsters. She met Ben at a mutual buddy’s vacation spot marriage ceremony and had a fling with him that continued as soon as the marriage weekend got here to an finish. We had been all shocked that their relationship continued and blossomed into an engagement as a result of Ben has a son from a earlier relationship. Julie stated that they had been capable of make it work as a result of Ben solely had his son, Jalen, 50 p.c of the time so she and Ben spent a number of time collectively when Jalen was together with his mother after which when he was with Ben, she was “round” however targeted on her work, hobbies, and pals. Through the years, we noticed the three of them collectively just a few instances and Julie had the position of “dad’s enjoyable girlfriend.” Jalen appeared snug and pleasant with Julie, very like the entire children in our buddy group are towards her (she doesn’t dislike youngsters, simply doesn’t need any).
About six weeks in the past, Jalen’s mom handed away unexpectedly after a cardiac occasion. Shortly after the funeral, Julie broke off her engagement with Ben and moved out. Over brunch not too long ago, she advised me that when she discovered that Ben wasn’t going to share custody of Jalen together with his maternal grandparents, she determined that she couldn’t determine a option to make it work with Jalen dwelling with Ben full-time and determined to maneuver on. She talked about how issues is likely to be completely different if Ben had been open to boarding college for Jalen or a shared custody association with grandparents however she solely signed on for being with somebody with 50 p.c custody, not one hundred pc. I truthfully shouldn’t be shocked—that is very on-brand for Julie, and one thing I in all probability would’ve admired about her previously—the braveness to know when a scenario isn’t going to work and extricating oneself from it isn’t one which many know the best way to do.
Nevertheless, all I can suppose is that Julie is a callous and egocentric individual! I do know she did the suitable factor as a result of it’s higher for Jalen to not develop up with a stepmother who resents his presence however she’s been in his life for six years! How do I get previous this?
Care and Feeding
Taking the P in SAHP Actually: My husband hated the rat race so when our youngster was a toddler, he give up common full-time work to change into a stay-at-home father or mother, whereas I (feminine) stayed within the workforce to be the breadwinner as a result of I get pleasure from my profession. Now he has a job the place he works from dwelling full-time, doing contract work on no matter schedule he needs, which means he can work 4 or 40 hours every week at no matter time or day he chooses. Our youngster is now in elementary college and goes to after-school care full-time. A number of weeks in the past, my husband billed two hours in a single week whereas I labored 55 hours in the identical week.
The issue is available in how we every outline what a SAHP does. My husband ONLY does home work for our youngster: choose up, meals, laundry, homework, and enjoying. I nonetheless do the scheduling, well being care appointments, deep home cleansing, yard work, and cooking for myself. He refuses to do something I would like in the course of the week like selecting up dry cleansing or prescriptions (except he has to go to the pharmacy for himself or our youngster) or basic errands I would like.
He identified that my co-workers with SAHPs don’t spend their downtime like that to which I responded by saying, “That’s as a result of their SAHPs care for EVERYONE within the family, not simply the youngsters. Nobody is doing my laundry however me!” This alternate erupted right into a battle the place my husband advised me I wanted higher time administration abilities and extra appreciation for what he does round the home and that my job isn’t an important one. The place do I am going from right here?
The right way to Do It
Ought to I Keep or Ought to I…: My new man (31M) and I (32F) are having a number of the hottest, kinkiest intercourse I’ve ever had. Loads of the kinky stuff is comparatively new to me, however not that on the market (handcuffs, spanking, different gentle BDSM, anal play), and I’m one hundred pc down. However not too long ago, after we tipsily stumbled into my condo, I hopped to the lavatory for an pressing pee and my boyfriend adopted me in. I wasn’t positive what was taking place however wasn’t bothered. I used to be shocked when he knelt, opened my legs, and watched me go. But it surely felt fairly intimate and pretty horny within the second.
After which once I was achieved, he leaned ahead and licked me! I wasn’t peeing in his mouth by any means. I didn’t really feel precisely grossed out, extra simply shocked. However as he continued to eat me out, I received over that rapidly and loved what was truthfully in all probability one of the best oral of my life. Once I requested him about it afterward, he stated he hoped he hadn’t moved too quick and that I wasn’t upset. I assured him I used to be not, however wished to know extra about this aspect of him. He advised me he wasn’t “like, a giant golden showers man” however that he favored the dirtiness of “gentle pee play” and talked about that he can be excited about incorporating it into our BDSM play—like making me drink a bunch of water beforehand after which forcing me to carry it in till I couldn’t anymore. He was a bit evasive about whether or not he wished me to go in his mouth, however harassed that he was not excited about peeing on me.
I’m…intrigued. I might not have gone for this if he’d requested me instantly as an alternative of simply doing it however clearly, the following intercourse was scorching and I would like extra of that and simply wish to make my (superior) accomplice pleased. I assume my two questions are: Do you suppose he’s being sincere with me? And was this unhealthy?
Stopped Sharing May Be Extra Caring: I’m fighting what’s the “proper” quantity of sharing, and taking, in my family. I’m 23 and my accomplice and I moved again dwelling this yr to stay with my mother and my 19-year-old brother.
Within the time we’ve been right here, the groceries have been a wrestle. All of us have a tendency to purchase our personal groceries and make our personal meals. Sometimes, I’ve purchased good issues like fancy juice or the actually good popsicles as a deal with, and have provided to share a number of the good meals objects that I’ve bought with the remainder of the home since typically there’s approach an excessive amount of for me and my accomplice to complete on our personal. However this has led to my mom taking what seems like greater than her share to me, and if I do that, I typically don’t get to benefit from the deal with in any respect. I’ll possibly have one popsicle, and by the point I come again for an additional in a day or two, the field is empty. Am I unsuitable to really feel irritated?
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