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My Spouse Has Had the Most Absurd Potential Response to Our Daughter’s Being pregnant

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Expensive Care and Feeding,

I’m pushing 50 and about to turn out to be a grandpa. My spouse is in her late thirties and is abruptly able to throw out our total life collectively as a result of she “wants” us to have a child collectively. I really like my stepson. He’s 10 years previous and a artistic, humorous child. His dad isn’t round, so I’ve principally been the stepdad who stepped up. I really like to educate his baseball and take him fishing. However I’m not doing diaper responsibility once more. My spouse knew that. We have been on the identical web page throughout our courting section, the engagement, and all 5 years we now have been married. However since my daughter introduced her being pregnant, it has been like a swap flipped in my spouse’s mind that she wants one other child now. We’re on a ready checklist for counseling, however I don’t see it fixing something. We’re sleeping in separate rooms, and once I mentioned I might simply go get the snip, my spouse threatened to go away and mentioned I might by no means see “her” son once more. It was once “our” son.

My stepson is autistic. I’ve a versatile work schedule, so I do many of the day by day grind of decide up, drop off, and college features. He has come thus far, however I’m afraid what’s going to occur if worst involves worst. I really like my stepson. I really like the life we now have collectively. I really like my spouse, however I can’t assist however resent her for prepared to wreck all of it—just like the baby she has, the life that we now have, isn’t price something.

—Household Issues

Expensive Household Issues,

It’s unlucky that your spouse has had such a drastic change of coronary heart after agreeing that the 2 of you wouldn’t have any extra youngsters. Counseling could also be your solely hope for salvaging the wedding. With a mediator, you’ll be able to clarify to her simply how a lot you like your present life collectively and why you’re against having a child. She will clarify why having one other baby is so essential to her rapidly and hopefully, the 2 of you’ll be able to come to a consensus and agree on an end result that works for each of you. Evidently you all received’t be capable to navigate this problem with out skilled assist.

Within the meantime, remind your spouse how a lot you do on your stepson and the way essential he’s to you. Speak to her about what it will imply so that you can lose the 2 of them. Carry up the age distinction between the 2 of you and your considerations about elevating a brand new child later in life. This may increasingly simply be a section your spouse goes by, probably triggered by your daughter’s announcement. If having a baby collectively means a lot to her, maybe you’ll be able to speak to her about legally adopting her son. It could affirm the connection that you have already got and symbolically set up that you’re his true father.

There’s the likelihood that your spouse is so pressed to have one other child that she’ll select to maneuver on from the wedding, although I believe she ought to think about how tough it could be to fulfill a brand new associate in her late 30s whereas already caring for a neurodivergent baby. Hopefully, she’ll get previous her child fever and are available to understand the life that you have already got collectively. If not, you’ll must let her go attempt to hunt down what she believes will make her glad, painful as that could be.


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