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My Husband Doesn’t Know I Found His Attractive Secret. It’s the Good Christmas Shock.

Methods to Do It’s Slate’s intercourse recommendation column. Have a query? Ship it to Stoya and Wealthy right here. It’s nameless!

Pricey Methods to Do It,

The place do I discover attractive, high-quality, lace lingerie for males? I (30s F) wish to get some for my husband (30s M) for Christmas. I just lately seen a few of my underwear going lacking however I believed the dryer was consuming them or they had been being misplaced as a result of they tended to show up after some time. At some point, I returned from work and my husband was within the bathe. I noticed my underwear along with his garments the place he had taken them off. I used to be shocked, however I used to be additionally turned on! I like the concept of a person sporting lace underwear. I didn’t say something about it however since then, now that I’m retaining an eye fixed out, I’ve seen waistbands of my underwear excessive of his pants infrequently.

I’ve been pondering of getting him some lace or extra female underwear as a Christmas reward (for our personal reward alternate, not making an attempt to embarrass him in entrance of household) as a result of I believe it could be a enjoyable and attractive solution to let him know that I’m conscious and am down so as to add him dressing as much as our intercourse life. I appeared on Amazon however they’ve largely foolish issues like an elephant the place the man’s shaft is supposed to go within the trunk. I wish to get him one thing attractive and dignified, not one thing that can make him really feel foolish.

—Victor’s Secret

Pricey Victor’s Secret,

Usually talking, lingerie as a shock can backfire. You don’t know the small print of what the individual likes and suits could be fiddly. Buying collectively has advantage.

Sadly, search outcomes for evaluations are dominated by evaluations of extra conventional boxers, boxer briefs, and briefs. Nonetheless, the search string “lingerie for males” will carry up a number of choices in numerous kinds and worth factors—a few of that are fairly elegant, although high quality isn’t assured.

So I reached out to Miss Veronica Vera, proprietress of Miss Vera’s Academy for Cross Gender Adventures, for some perception. She started with a reminder that it’s greatest to know his measurements earlier than procuring. Vera stated that “most lingerie outlets are accommodating offered consumers are cool, calm, and picked up,” reminding us that in-person is at all times an possibility. She additionally talked about Glamour Boutique and En Femme as having good reputations. In case your husband’s curiosity runs deep, Queen Pea, a dominatrix based mostly out of Minneapolis, made particular point out of the corsetry firm Innova Corsetry.

Do think about having a chat along with your husband about how turned on you’re by fascinated about him in lacy underwear, and lengthening a proposal to buy collectively for one thing made for his physique. Or, when you actually wish to broach the topic throughout your personal reward giving this 12 months, write him a pleasant notice explaining your curiosity and draw up a cute coupon redeemable for one procuring session.

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Pricey Methods to Do It,

My boyfriend and I’ve been collectively for some time now, about 11 years, and the identical matter retains developing…him wanting a threesome. For context, I did carry it up up to now however shortly after I introduced it up, I stated I wasn’t anymore. He has cheated up to now and it positively performed a component in me altering my thoughts. I’ve by no means stepped out however did have a promiscuous previous so I ponder if that’s hanging over my head so far as him wanting one now.

So quick ahead, the dialog retains developing and I simply don’t know what to do. I work loads and a few nights we’re not intimate as a result of I’m drained from work and I’ve come dwelling to cook dinner, clear, and simply spend time stress-free. I wouldn’t thoughts having the threesome however he retains saying he needs her to be our “pal” and hang around on the home, assist me cook dinner, clear, and so forth. I’m not keen on that as a result of in my head I might slightly it simply be a one-off fling the place we do it and possibly do it once more with another person if we determine to. Am I flawed for wanting it to only be tremendous informal? Is he proper for wanting her round extra typically? To me, it simply appears that he needs two girls round in order that when one is busy/drained the opposite one can faucet in and his wants could be met.

Sexually my wants are 9/10 met and I really feel like his are extra like 5/10. I additionally assume most of my apprehension is that I don’t need him to search out out I do like ladies and have at all times needed to be intimate with one. I take pleasure in lesbian porn alone in addition to threesome porn very a lot and it will get me off very quickly. I form of really feel if I let him in on this then it’s going to flip into one thing he at all times needs to do once I don’t know if that’s what I’ll wish to do greater than as soon as. Lastly, I don’t know the best way to discover the lady! We’re in our early 30s and I’m questioning whether or not we meet somebody simply out, on OnlyFans, possibly a high-end escort, or presumably a intercourse membership. I’m simply misplaced!

—Closet Freak

Pricey Closet Freak,

It does sound like your boyfriend needs one thing extra intimate and everlasting than you’re open to. Spend a while fascinated about what your boundaries are and what you’re keen to strive.

Earlier than you begin on the lookout for a possible third—short-term or long run—you and your boyfriend must get on the identical web page about what you’re each searching for. Ask him what he needs from a 3rd. Inform him your fears and issues. Come to a transparent settlement earlier than you pursue this additional—or when you can’t, he may must abandon the concept altogether.

If you happen to do determine to proceed with a threesome, do think about native legal guidelines. If you happen to’re in, say, Nevada or Amsterdam hiring somebody could also be an possibility. It’s also possible to strive intercourse golf equipment or assembly somebody at a social occasion, and apps that permit {couples} to hyperlink their profiles comparable to Feeld.

Pricey Methods to Do It,

I’m in a heterosexual relationship that began nice till COVID occurred. At first, intercourse was superb however since COVID, my spouse takes far more time to climax and I at all times end first. She will get upset if she doesn’t attain her climax however she gained’t let me proceed till she reaches her orgasm even after I’ve. This case has made me tremendous insecure and I’ve thought-about taking some remedy to attenuate my senses and last more throughout intercourse. Ought to I’m going with meds or do you will have another resolution to our points?

—Too Quick, Too Livid

Pricey Too Quick, Too Livid,

In case your spouse is ready to orgasm with out penetration you may strive getting her off with handbook stimulation and oral intercourse. Even when she isn’t, you may strive extra foreplay than standard—the nearer she is to orgasm when the intercourse begins the extra doubtless it’s that she’ll orgasm earlier than you.

There’s additionally no disgrace in fashionable medical science. You’ll be able to strive numbing brokers like lotions or sprays, or, sure, oral remedy. Speak to your physician earlier than you determine to go that route, although.


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My husband (cis-male) and I (cis-woman) share many kinks, together with an affinity for hentai—particularly tentacle porn. Sure, it’s jump-the-shark ridiculous, however there’s one thing about being held that approach and consumed in pleasure that stokes our imaginations. Nonetheless, we’ve come to really feel squeamish…