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My Father Gave Me a Treasured Handmade Reward. My Response Was a Huge Mistake.

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Pricey Care and Feeding,

My father’s a jeweler, and for my 18th birthday he made me this very nice demiparure— earrings and necklace. It’s made from electrum, and has a fairly large inset stone in every particular person piece. The ensemble is attractive, and one thing about the best way the sunshine catches makes the stones appear extra like they’re glowing than they’re reflecting gentle. The factor is, whereas the jewellery is gorgeous, it’s additionally all improper for me. That is the type of stuff that will be extra at house in a show case in a museum. If it have been to be worn, it’s the type of factor I would placed on for a super-fancy marriage ceremony, possibly. I’m a first-year faculty scholar, and my ordinary outfit is ripped denims and a decent shirt. My hangouts are dimly lit music venues and dorm rooms. I’d look utterly misplaced sporting this necklace and earrings, and I’d be tremendous fearful about them being misplaced or stolen. So whereas I did take them with me to varsity, the primary time I went house (for Thanksgiving), I took them again and left them in my room. I knew they’d be safer there.

Effectively, not too long ago I made a decision to remain on campus over the summer season—I’ve discovered a job right here and I’m actually liking my college—so Mother and Dad determined I didn’t want my room at house anymore and began cleansing issues up and transferring my stuff elsewhere to retailer in order that my outdated room might be their library. That’s when Dad discovered that I had left the demiparure behind. He known as me about it, and appeared actually damaged up that I didn’t prefer it.

I attempted to reassure him. I do prefer it, I mentioned, and I’m not abandoning it or ashamed of it, I simply don’t have a use for it proper now and I really feel safer with it at house than with me on campus. This didn’t appear to persuade him. He’s all the time put his coronary heart into his work and I can’t assist feeling that he thinks I’m turning my again on him, particularly coupled with how I’ve simply type of flown the coop. Are you able to give me some form of script so he is aware of I’m not rejecting him, I’m simply maintaining the demiparure in a spot I belief till I’m able to put on it?

—In search of the Proper Phrases

Pricey Proper Phrases,

To start with, thanks for instructing me two new phrases. I had by no means heard the time period demiparure earlier than, nor had I ever heard of the alloy electrum. It fills me with pleasure to be taught the phrases for issues, even once they’re issues I didn’t know existed.

As to the phrases you’re looking for: It might appear that you just’ve already used all the precise ones, however maybe with out sufficient emphasis to persuade your dad that you just actually imply what you say.—which, truthfully, makes me marvel if you happen to do. However taking what you’ve mentioned at face worth, I’ll observe that it shouldn’t be that onerous to persuade Dad that you just didn’t go away your jewels at house since you don’t like them, that in reality you’re keen on and admire this extraordinary present, you’re moved by the gesture and respect it from the underside of your coronary heart, and also you imply to put on your fabulous demiparure as quickly as there’s an event that requires one thing this dressy. You would possibly even add that you just’re wanting ahead not solely to sporting it however to sometime passing it alongside to your individual little one, if you happen to ought to have one. In the event you inform him all of that—with actual feeling—and if you happen to specific your worry that maintaining it in your dorm room is an invite to theft, how may he doubt you?

However, that mentioned, I’m unsure he does doubt you. Are you positive you’re not feeling responsible about not planning to go house this summer season? Are you positive you’re not a bit of harm that your dad and mom are so rapidly disassembling your room? And/or that you just’re not seeing this as “punishment” to your having “flown the coop”? I’m not saying you ought to really feel responsible or shouldn’t really feel harm. I’m simply questioning in case your feeling unhealthy about any of that is coloring your interpretation of his response, particularly because you haven’t provided something particular about it—solely that he appeared damaged up, then unconvinced by your clarification. Simply one thing to contemplate.

And yet one more factor, from somebody who wore her grandma’s pearl and sapphire ring and dangling diamond earrings all through highschool and faculty together with her personal (light, torn, patched) denims and leotards and battered square-toed Fryes—and who nonetheless fortunately pairs excessive/low articles of decoration with out a second thought: There isn’t a rule that claims you possibly can’t put on a dramatic assertion piece of knickknack at your age! In the event you really feel foolish and self-conscious sporting it, then don’t. However don’t let anyone let you know it’s inappropriate. Put on what you need, while you need, the way you need. And luxuriate in it.