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Assist! My Grandparents Are Giving Me a Big Monetary Present. However I Assume It Has a Troubling Origin.

Each week, Pricey Prudence solutions further questions from readers, only for Slate Plus members. Submit questions right here. (It’s nameless!)

Pricey Prudence,

I’m virtually 18 and graduating highschool this spring. My grandparents (father’s dad and mom) simply advised me they’ve virtually $200,000 saved up that they’re giving me for faculty. I used to be surprised as a result of I knew they have been higher off than my dad and mom, however I had no concept about this. I requested why they didn’t give something to my sister, who’s 22 and can graduate school proper earlier than I graduate highschool. She’s wired as a result of she’s needed to take out loans that, even when she will get job, she may not be capable of repay earlier than she’s middle-aged. They stated this was as a result of I’m their organic grandchild and my sister isn’t. She’s our mother’s daughter from a boyfriend who deserted her whereas she was pregnant, however our dad adopted her after they obtained married when she was 2. Her organic father was Black, so I believe this might need one thing to do with our white, Republican grandparents not absolutely accepting her.

However what they don’t know is …

I’m not their organic grandchild both! My dad was infertile, so my dad and mom used donor sperm to conceive me. They advised me this after I was about 6 however stated it was our household’s secret, and now I believe I do know why. I’m afraid I might really feel dishonest accepting this cash for myself. Ought to I take it, however give half to my sister? Or inform my grandparents the reality about my organic origin, and danger that they gained’t give me something, both? Or what?

—Responsible Grad

Pricey Responsible Grad,

Your concept to simply accept the cash and provides half to your sister is each beneficiant and sensible. I see two choices right here. You could possibly simply try this quietly and transfer on together with your lives, which shouldn’t be arduous because the cash was supposed to be spent in brief order for faculty (and now, your sister’s loans) anyway. Or, should you really feel strongly about difficult the established order in your loved ones, as soon as the cash is secured in your respective accounts, inform everybody the reality about why you made that selection—and why you observed your grandparents made theirs. (You would possibly need to preserve the sperm donor data out of it, since that’s your dad and mom’ enterprise as a lot as yours.) You’re simply barely an grownup, however should you really feel as much as it, you’ve the ability to set your loved ones on a brand new path on the subject of rejecting racism and embracing honesty and equity.

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